Reflection + Works Cited

New Answers, Same Question

Looking back at the beginning of the semester, I am quite surprised at what I have made of the wicked question. I rarely am stumped on what to write about¬—it’s the actual writing that tends to hold me up—but when faced with that first in-class essay about a childhood fairy tale, I remember sitting dumbfounded for a full ten minutes. I could think of a few fairy tales, but none that I felt resonated with me enough to craft an essay about. My mom and I usually made up our own stories when I was young, so I did not think I had developed a serious connection to the material everyone around me seemed to be remembering easily and fondly. When I found out the whole semester would be spent answering what fairy tales were for, I was petrified. It would be an understatement to say that I am grateful to have discovered so much I feel to be worth saying about this topic.

Beginning the research process was exciting- there is a lot of fun to be had in those early stages when questions and answers are in equal demand. Figuring out information worthy of reporting is the end goal of an argumentative paper, but first one must spend time figuring out what there is to figure out. For me this happened quickly, but not linearly. I knew during my group presentation that I wanted to take a different path, probably something to do with women or character studies since those are general topics I have always taken interest in. Eventually I landed on female villainy while taking in tastes of the varied subjects presented by my peers. In the beginning I found ideas that would carry much of my questioning to come, even though some of those main pieces did not actually make it into my argument. I moved from classic fairy tales briefly to theater representations, and then eventually landed in studies of myth and philosophy. There were many papers, art pieces, stories, voices, and books that afforded me the opportunity I so desired for nuance.

The freedom of all the world’s information is unfortunately a double-edged sword. While in the bigger picture I am glad to have learned all I did about my topic, it did cost me. All the connections and tie-ins that I found to be most interesting simply were not fit for this specific undertaking. What was meant to be a tight, focused, and somewhat straightforward piece of argumentative research writing ended up sprouting a lot of abstract branches that strayed too far from the central thesis for this context. Eventually I realized that I had done way too much research and that my plans had more concepts than I could possibly juggle in a seven-page paper. At that point, I embarked on a separate endeavor that I did not foresee, which entailed untangling all the topics I had intertwined, deciding which ones needed to stay and which ones could only exist in the context of another. There was some mourning of those ideas- there is a reason they call it killing your darlings. Once I had written the final version of the paper, however, I realized all that research had not been done in vain- even in the context of the assignment. Everything that I spent time pondering contributed to the voice of that paper. And that means they each count for something, even if they went without a listing in the works cited page.

It became continually more apparent as I investigated more history and studied what it still means today that I was pursuing the right topic. Much of the issue in women’s representation in fairy tales is not just that it is poor, but that it is perpetuated mindlessly. Originally, I set out to research female villainy, but it became clear early on that there is so unbelievably often a fine and arbitrary line dividing the most wicked villainesses from the paragons of female heroism. In fact, there are so few model heroines in fairy tales and myth that most of them were first received and crafted as villainous. To the credit of modern storytelling, there are more female-led stories than ever for young people to look up to, but in the realm of classically styled fairy tale stories, there is shockingly little. To be autonomous and possess a voice does not automatically mean a female character is a well crafted one, but it does make her an actual substantiated character with a story to tell. What makes this topic an important one is that the stances are not ‘pro’ and ‘anti’ improved female fairy tale representation- the stances are ignoring it and talking about it.

The answer to a question argued on first blush is different from the one argued after a semester’s worth of stewing. That is a constructive thing which should be valued and nurtured- upholding first takes and mental rigidity rather than coming to a cumulative conclusion is flagrant anti-intellectualism. I am glad that I spent the entirety of these past few months with that question in the back of my mind, “What are fairy tales for?” I had an answer in February, one in April, and I expect I will have another even in the coming months. If I had answered the question and moved onto the next, I realistically would not have recognized the absence of the depth of knowledge that I have gained. Through this entire process I have surely become a better researcher. Going forward, I plan to hold onto my questions for longer, deliberately mulling them over even when I think I have everything all worked out.